++GIG REVIEW++
Richard Artrocker is led astray by Blood Red Shoes, given free beer tokens, and left to ponder the very obvious size difference between Jack White and Beck. Who would win in a fist fight between those two? I know who the smart money would be on...
Artrocker is ashamed. We have sinned. What’s worse is that we do it in this hub of low-carbon and breathtaking scenery, of all places.
"We are able to ascertain two things. One, that Jack White is very big. Two, that Beck is very small."
We have committed the cardinal sin of invading the main stage of a festival and watching the band from the side of said stage. Normally a habit of the shady, the obsessed, the Machiavellian, the sad, the well-connected, or the plain right-place-at-right-time lucky, we at Artrocker pride ourselves in not taking part in such shenanigans. It’s taken this act to help us to realise that we are, in fact, all of the above. So consider it an epiphany, of sorts.
The band in question is, in all actuality, BECK and his troupe. And we, the fortunate ones, are surrounded by the likes of JACK WHITE and friends. But how did Artrocker end up in this situation? This is a cautionary tale, dear web-reader. We’ve been, it has to be said, led astray by that most twisted and bad-attitude-ridden of bands, BLOOD RED SHOES. After a typically storming set (during which people are continually arriving, and, crucially, staying), they lead us, still mesmerised, up the backstage path, as it were, encouraging Artrocker to take part in their unique brand of Brightonian disobedience. Not before subjecting everyone to a cappella versions of Spice Girls songs, though. Later, they attempt to assuage their guilt by offering Artrocker free beer tokens. Proud as we are, we still accept readily, knowing that it will help BRS to adjust their behaviour in the future.
However, being in such an envied position enables Artrocker to engage in its favourite game: comparing the heights of alternative pop stars. We are able to ascertain two things. One, that Jack White is very big. Two, that Beck is very small. That settled, we are at last able to get a good night’s sleep.
We ought to point out, though, that earlier in the day, we found ourselves impressed by WHITE DENIM’s reinvigoration of seventies garage; intrigued by FOALS’ attention to detail in performing; and horrified by the eye-paining skinniness of JOE LEAN, who also offers us beer tokens. We’re not sure why.
++ Richard Davis ++
Artrocker rating: 5
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