Alfonzo's Demo Kitchen 5- hosted by Sir David Attenborough

by Alfonzo Post to Twitter

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Dear all. As you are no doubt aware from the recent news coverage, Alfonzo is currently suffering stomach cramps in hospital due to his attempts to cook a Wild African King Prawn. I feel that, as it was a member of the animal community that brought him down, it is only fair that I represent the prawn kingdom with some positive reportage, to re address the balance as it were. I will of course do this, by reviewing your demos.

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Long term survival is expected of the LANA species, due to their ability to stimultate the nervous system of the of audiences both live, and on record. Extended members of the 1970s Bowie family, peak mating season is expected this summer when the band migrate from the London toilet system to the main stage at the Secret Garden Party.

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MULTICOLOURED GREEN are members of the MC5 family, and can be indentified by their loud garage rock noise, as well as spots of dribble on their left cheek. By rubbing their legs together at an incrediby high speed they inspire drunken babbling in audience members, as well as occasional public streaking, although this is a habit confined to the winter months. Most noted of all, they appear to take pride in a certain lack of musical hygeine.

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Multi Coloured Green
Snapped up by Good Blades

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DRY RISER are part of the Melodophigus species, in that they place importance in huge, spooky and emotionally moving melodies. Their breeding season comes approximately twice a month, when they play the excellent 'Guess We Noticed Straight Away' live. Over centuries they have evolved, constantly surviving against the odds, and winking at references such as Tim Buckly and mid period Smashing Pumpkins.

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Let us now investigate THE BAD ROBOTS. These rare beasts spend their energetic days in the venues of Camden, and can be identified by their bassist's enormous beard. Their Hey -Ho let's go punk pop does betray a slight tendancy towards the generic, but the creatures are at their best when they break from convention, such as on the panicky artpunk of 'No Way Out'.

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A Bad Robot, yesterday

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Endophin consuming party goers by nature, MEAN POPPA LEAN can be found under stones and rock pools in "small but cool" cities such as Bath and Brighton. Their dietry requirements consist of the B-52's and Prince, although I can hear traces of The Ramones in there too. They attract mates by acting like Sesame Street Puppets, and apparantly "eating funk for breakfast".

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ALFONZO WILL BE OUT OF HOSPITAL IN THE COMING WEEKS. SEND UNSIGNED DEMOS AND ORIGINAL RECIPES TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:

ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN
5 VICTORIA MANSIONS
133 HOLLOWAY ROAD
LONDON
N7 8LZ

OR IF YOU ARE A LAZY BONES JUST MAKE BUDDIES WITH HIM AT
ALFONZOS DEMO MYSPACE