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Greetings from the thick tabacco fog of my private gymn! And indeed, step with me now as we wander through the corridors of Alfonzo Mansions, and approach the thick brown shag of my luxury kitchen. Feel the quality of my expresso machine, and casually notice that Alfonzo has written not one, but three books on specialist sausage making!
Feel the pale blue light come through my windows and.... er.... hang on, I'm getting a text message. Hey it is from the editor of Artrocker.com! Let's see what my good buddy have to say. "ALFONZO. STOP USING YOUR COLUMN TO INCREASE THE PROPERTY VALUE OF YOUR KITCHEN, YOU MORON!! REVIEW SOME UNSIGNED BANDS!" Hmmmm. You know what? He has a good idea! I've had lots of CD's in this week, so, er... let's have a little play around with them! WOOOOOO- HOOOO!
When New Wave came out it was apparantly as fabricated as New Rave, so cool people like Richard Hell and Lydia Lunch invented No Wave to counter it - according to my book "The Idiot's Guide To No Wave". However! SLOWGUN have that No Wave vibe, but because they are literally a new band, does that mean they are New No Wave? Aaaarghhhh!!
RATING: SHEEPS BRAINS
The singer of THE CRAVATTES sounds suspiciously like Jack White. Is that you Jackie Baby? Old buddy? Hmmm, I suspect not, but either way these guys are splitting heirs. The melodies themselves are of medium strength originality, but with cowbells, sunshine guitars and casual chaos there's still lots to love!
RATING: FRESH STRAWBERRIES
More Pixies references with TOTHEBONES, and when I say Pixies references I'm talking ray-gun lead guitars, satanic screeching and choons so brutal they could put Help The Aged out of business. Having said that, there could be a reduction in the gurn-factor. Pappa don't gurn boys!
RATING: SALMON CROUTE
News hit the kitchen recently that MOOCHER are thinking of calling it a day, which is surely morbid news for fans of psychedelic pop music! Refrain from weeping into your parsley sauce however, and instead bask in the warmth of surf gems like 'Fire My Boss'. Good work, pop troopers!
RATING: COCKLES AND MUSCLES IN VINEGAR
Phew- after all this New No Wave Psychedelic Cowbell music, it's time to light a little cigar and watch the buses go past to something a little more ambient. And hey! Seattle's ZIG are doing the job nicely - like Sigor Ros in a floatation tank gently morphing into evolutionary monkeys. Er... did I say that out loud?!
RATING: SOUL FOOD
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ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN IS NOW OPEN! SEND UNSIGNED DEMOS AND ORIGINAL RECIPES TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:
ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN
5 VICTORIA MANSIONS
133 HOLLOWAY ROAD
LONDON
N7 8LZ
OR IF YOU ARE A LAZY BONES JUST MAKE BUDDIES WITH HIM AT
ALFONZOS DEMO MYSPACE
++ submitted by Alfonzo ++
The newest sounds as heard in the Artrocker Office and our Resonance FM podcast.
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