COCKSUCKER BLUES REVIEWED

00:17:24 Sudden depravity! The Stones are on board their private jet. There are bearded hippies running around, ripping off girls tops and exposing their breasts. The girls are laughing along - but how do they feel on the inside? The Stones play tambourines of encouragement. Tch tch.

00:30:40 "Watch it disappear!" whispers a wide eyed hippie as he watches a huge line of cocaine disappear up his girlfriend's nose. Erk.

00:40:38 It's party time with Andy Warhol and Truman Capote. They don't seem so much as legends, more like socialite leeches. Warhol is poking his tongue out and squishing it around like a slug. Ho Ho Ho Andy! Er... can I get a strong drink please?

00:56:42 This is the downfall: the moment where The Stones go from cool to Idiotic. They're onstage with a 20 piece orchestra, who're playing 'Satisfaction' while Jagger stumbles about like a drugged up moron. Saxophone players and MCs drown him out; it's so despicable I'd do anything for another masturbation scene.

01:04:37 Oh Lord I repent! I'm given a scene in which a naked girl, post orgasm, is rubbing herself in her own juices. I'm not a naive young man or anything but... Aargh! Not Erotic!

01:05:40 Backstage. Card game with the roadies. Keith Richards wins.

01:07:42 Keith Richards leaves the card game and returns to his hotel room, where a beautiful naked girl is rolling around on the bed. She hands him a jazz cigarette and he seems far from displeased; "I've never seen a hotel room blessed with such Olympian Ecstasy."

01:09:57 Welcome to the dark side. A girl appears to be chattering indecipherable poetry while shooting herself up. There's no close ups, no glorification - just the hit. This scene is spooky; the girl simply enters oblivion. "Have a nice life!" her boyfriend laughs.

01:16:16 Unbelievably, Lou Reed enters the hotel room and starts babbling in an Afro-American accent about all the heroin enthusiasts that society has oppressed.

Lou Reed: “For a hundred years heroin enthusiasts have been great contributors to cultural enlightenment. (unrecognized) I’m talking about John Cocteau – all these brothers have been forgotten. Now the image of a heroin addict is of a stupid, skinny motherfucker climbing down some fire escape with 19 colour TVs on his back.

He proceeds to discuss junk politics, and how he’s collaborating with international drug dealers who can bypass the dealers who are diluting heroin with quinine – “as a tribute to all those people who’ve been ignored an vilified all these years.”

01:22:55 Mick Jagger shows his bum.

01:23:00 Keith Richards shows his bum.

01:25:50 At last we’re back to reality as the Director interviews a Stones fan outside the venue. But is it reality? Hang on! What’s she saying?

“I’ve got nothing else to live for except the group that’ll make me happy. They took my child away because I was on acid. But what’s wrong with a mother who’s on acid? The state comes along and takes away her child? The child was born on acid, you know?”

01:29:34 Thank Mary, we’re back in the stadium. We may well be witnessing the Stones as they would become for years on end: stadium hogging imbeciles – but at least we’ve escaped the crazy acid lady. As the film descends into a montage of ‘60s footage, the further we get from the chaos of 1972, the better we are…