++GIG REVIEW++
Our armpits smell like barbecue sauce, our beards have grown over our eyes, and our legs feel like they've been amputated. That's right - Artrocker.com has been at Glastonbury, and now we must suffer the consequences. But fear not! Because you can read all about it - sans post festival trauma - here!
Glastonbury Festival has a habit of playing cruel tricks on the mind. On Thursday night I'd spent some time in a cabaret club, watching a never ending line up of wrestling midgets and dancing vampires. It was so exciting that I ran to fetch my colleagues - but on return all we could find was a big boob striptease. I was denounced as a pervert and abandoned.
"After taking a wrong turn, I witness the ghastly Scouting For Girls playing 'She's So Lovely.' In horror I flee, only to be confronted by Neil Diamond...."
Hours later I'd witnessed a mechanical horse, breathing fire out of it's nostrils and shrieking an unholy 'Neigh!' as it moved robotically through the fields. "This time they won't laugh at me!" I sneered, as again I ran to fetch the team. But we returned to find a lone acid seller, who greeted me as an old friend. "You bastard! I don't know you! Where's the f**ing robot horse!?" I jabbered, like an obscure madman.
Yet there are some things you can count on this correspondent to have witnessed: bands - and lots of 'em. Here is the artrocker.com review of Glastonbury 2008....
* * * * FRIDAY * * * *
Despite a huge crowd lapping up their remorselessly energetic rock, THE SUBWAYS feel kinda dull. "When I break this down and shout 'Glasto go fucking crazy', that's your que to go crazy!" shouts their singer Billy, to a sea of nervous eyeballs.
Over at the John Peel tent, GLASVEGAS are cracking open the anthems, many of which sound like 'You'll Never Walk Alone' with added guitar atmospherics. Meanwhile, VAMPIRE WEEKEND are refreshingly egoless - and they're summery African boogie melts my cold cynical heart.
Henry from THE YOUNG KNIVES is on fine comic form, remarking that House Of Lords is making him feel horny. However, despite a decent 'Terra Firma', the tent is far too packed - so I flee to the Park Stage, where OPERATOR PLEASE perform like a bull with a dart in it's ass. It's all very high spirited, with Violinist Taylor slapping her bum during 'Leave It Alone'.
Playing like pros are THE DUKE SPIRIT, who make the classic mistake of singing about the rain, and therefore inviting the clouds to piss on us.
Following them, EDWYNN COLLINS is remarkable: post brain hemorrhage he can't talk so well, but he's still a strong singer. He's enjoying himself too - slapping his thighs along to the apocalyptic guitar solo of 'A Girl Like You'.
JOHN CALE walks onstage, growling into the microphone through a Satanic vocal effect: "Good evening Campers... we're gonna break your hearts!" He proceeds to play a menacing version of 'Heartbreak Hotel'. The rest of his set is surprisingly accessible, and culminates with the '70s glam tinged 'Dirty Ass Rock and Roll'.
If you were down the front for John Cale, you were quite the lucky monkey - because FRANZ FERDINAND walked on immediately after, as the evening's secret guests. "Surpise!" grins Alex Kapranos, as the group rev into 'Matinee' and everyone starts bouncing. There's flags, refugees, refugees and flags. It's starting to look like Glastonbury.
READ PART TWO OF ARTROCKER.COM AT GLASTONBURY!
++ Ric Rawlins ++
Artrocker rating: 4
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